Updated: 13 May 2018 07:26. By, Melkisedeck Shine.
They went on a class trip.
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Let me count the ways I love you.
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They use bear-conditioning.
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Answer: Bookworms.
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Lemon-aid
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Because it went back for seconds.
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SIGNS OF AGING
Written by a confident lady …π
After a meeting, I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room, it wasn't there too.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them …….
His theory is the car will be stolen if left at the ignition key slot !
Immediately, I rushed to the parking lot and came to a terrifying conclusion …..
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty π±ππ.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, description of the car, place I parked, etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that the car had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband,
I left my keys in the car …. and it has been stolen."
There was a big silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, and happy as well, I said, "Well, then pls come and get me."
He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman, that I have not stolen your car." ππ
Don't laugh alone πππ π ππ
Send to other husbands or wives because ….
So many things go wrong daily, and you can't blame yourself all the times πππ
~~ Shared as received
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Because it had a lot of degrees already.
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An envelope.
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The merry-go-round.
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To her broom.
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He got 12 months.
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2 Lovers decided to suicide…!
.
.
.
Boy jumped 1st, Girl Closed her
eyes n returned
Home…
.
.
.
Boy In the Air Opened the
Parachute n Said I
knew that Bitch won't "jump.!
.
.
.
From that day onwards
peoplestarted saying
- Ladies First
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A leek.
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Because he's got little legs.
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πOther short jokes;-π
Sometimes it is good for us to act blind
A man married a beautiful girl. He loved her very much. One day she developed a skin disease. Slowly she started to lose her beauty. It so happened that one day her husband left for a tour. While returning he met with an accident and lost his eyesight. However their married life continued as usual. But as days passed she lost her beauty gradually. Blind husband did not know this and there was not any difference in their married life. He continued to love her and she also loved him very much… read more
Just think about this
*No matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth. That's the spirit of FORGIVENESS. Even though the eyes don't see each other, they see things together, blink simultaneously and cry together. That's UNITY." May the Lord grant us all the spirit of forgiveness and togetherness*… read more
The will to win
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence... read more
13 Best ways to be a good girlfriend
To be good to your girlfriend consider;.. read more
Meaning of common abbreviation which you use everyday
1. PAN - permanent account number.
2. PDF - portable document format.
3. SIM - Subscriber Identity Module.
4. ATM - Automated Teller machine.
5. IFSC - Indian Financial System Code.
6. FSSAI(Fssai) - Food Safety & Standards Authority of India.
7. Wi-Fi - Wireless fidelity.
8. GOOGLE - Global Organization Of Oriented Group Language Of Earth.
9. YAHOO - Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle… read more
Be careful
You have been single throughout the year, and two weeks to Christmas you fall in love.. read more
Interesting story for new year
Ezra and Thomas joined a company together a few months after their graduation from university.
After a few years of work, their Manager promoted Ezra to a position of Senior Sales Manager, but Thomas remained in his entry level Junior Sales Officer position.
Thomas developed a sense of jealousy and disgruntlement, but continued working anyway.
One day Thomas felt that he could not work with Ezra anymore.
He wrote his resignation letter, but before he submitted it to the Manager, he complained that Management did not value hard working staff, but only promoted only the favoured!
The Manager knew that Ezra worked very hard for the years he had spent at the company; even harder than Thomas and therefore he deserved the promotion.
So in order to help Thomas to realize this, the Manager gave Thomas a task.
βGo and find out if anyone is selling water melons in town?β
Thomas returned and said, "yes there is someone!"
The Manager asked, "how much per kg?"
Thomas drove back to town to ask and then returned to inform the Manager; "they are 13.50 per kg!"
The Manager told Thomas,
"I will give Ezra the same task that I gave you. Please pay close attention to his response!"
So the Manager said to Ezra, in the presence of Thomas;
βGo and find out if anyone is selling water melons in town?β
Ezra went to find out and on his return he said:
"Manager, there is only one person selling water melons in the whole town.
The cost is 49.00 each water melon and 32.50 for a half melon.
He sells them at 13.50 per kg when sliced. He has in his stock 93 melons, each one weighing about 7kg.
He has a farm and can supply us with melons for the next 4 months at a rate of 102 melons per day at 27.00 per melon; this includes delivery.
The melons appear fresh and red with good quality, and they taste better than the ones we sold last year.
He has his own slicing machine and is willing to slice for us free of charge.
We need to strike a deal with him before 10am tomorrow and we will be sure of beating last year's profits in melons by 223 000.00.
This will contribute positively to our overall performance as it will add a minimum of 3.78% to our current overall sales target.
I have put this information down in writing and is available on spreadsheet.
Please let me know if you need it as I can send it to you in fifteen minutes."
Thomas was very impressed and realized the difference between himself and Ezra.
He decided not to resign but to learn from Ezra… read more
26 Classic tips to Turn a Girl On
- Warm your girl up.
- Make her feel you find her attractive.
- Be the best version of yourself.
- Be confident, even if you don't act like it.
- Clean up.
- Know how to treat a girl like a lady.
- Start with slow, gentle touches.
- Whisper in her ear.
- Caress her… read more
Short love story
SHORT LOVE STORY 1.I stood at the bus stop near the National bank with my earphones on.The Egerton welfare bus had taken long beforearriving.I kept on glancing side from side and watched people walk in diffrent direction with least interest… read more
STORY: Do not ignore everything
A young man was
getting ready to
graduate from
college. For many
months he had
admired a beautiful
sports car in a
dealers showroom,
and knowing his
father could well
afford it, he told him
that was all he
wanted… read more
Where will this corruption end?
School Group Photo : Headmaster to Photographer ksh.20 is too much. There are 2000 students, Charge Only ksh.10 its sufficient!!.. read more
Best Inspiring quotes for today
πI love this, πββββββ
Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the very end… read more
Avoid a bad Marriage
AVOIDING A BAD MARRIAGE.
By Pastor Chris Oyakhilome PhD… read more
Factors of Life
factor of life.
1. be grateful for what you have.. read more
How to make people think in your way
Show respect for the others persons opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way. Get the other person saying Yes, yes immediately. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Let the other person feel that the idea is his. Try honestly to see things from the other personβs point of view. Be sympathetic with the other personβs ideas and desires. Appeal to nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge.. read more